eighty.one

oompa loompas

hello. i possess a burning love and affection for the vertically-challenged man. short men. little men. not oompa loompa little; but those 5'9" and under that inspire snarls and upturned noses from all of my female friends. am i the only woman that likes a pocket-sized fellow?

i'm 5'6" and i haven't dated a guy over 5'8" for seven years. a couple of years ago a friend of mine accused me of preferring short men and i quickly denied it. i wasn't lying, at the time it was just a coincidence that the last couple of men i'd dated could comfortably wear my coats. but since then i do sense a trend, and now i can confidently declare that i like them a little, well, little.

most women believe that a taller man and shorter woman look better as a couple. and, as superficial as this is, it's the only reason for choosing ballers over smallers that i accept and respect. i understand that my girls wanna be able to rock their four inch heels and still have to look up at their men. i struggle in kitten heels, so this is not a problem for me. in fact, my mate can act as the perfect cover for my inability to walk in heels without looking like some kind of injured chicken. but, aside from the aesthetics, my friends' reasoning behind a preference for a man with at least six inches on them is rooted in myth.

they say things like: "i just feel safer with a tall man" or "i need to know he can look after me if we get into trouble". ha! i'm not saying that all the short men i've dated would have fought to protect my honour, but i know that a couple of the tall ones would have most definitely left me to duke it out alone. sure, it would have taken them less strides to run to the payphone and call the ammalance to come get me, but we'd still have needed to have a serious talk on the ride to the hospital.

and my friends say things like: "i don't want to have short sons". ha! i've seen plenty of families where sons tower over their fathers. this is because boys get their height from their mother's side too. the men in my dad's family range from 6' to 6'6", so my babies might could still be long-legged. of course the odds for a tall son are improved if his daddy is tall, but know that you height nazis might still mess around and give birth to your very own gary coleman [sans ashy hands, i hope].

but be clear: i'm not on some kind of moral soapbox. i wouldn't dare mount said box because all of my reasons for liking short men are incredibly shallow. they have nothing to do with the heart of a man, and everything to do with what is good [and convenient] for me.

short men rock because:
1. when we're walking and talking i can turn to give him immediate eye contact.
2. i can snatch kisses from his lips without permission, and without having to go on my tippy toes.
3. when we hug i get to press close to his whole body. [i love those chest-to-chest hugs when my heart can feel his heart beating; AND i can throw in a neck nuzzle!]
4. if tiredness ever strikes unannounced i can always rest my head on his shoulder.

small men are accessible! and accessories! ok, not accessories, but they are accessible. tall men are just so far away. what are you talking about up there? i can barely hear you with your 5'10" head in the sky. meanwhile me and my 5'8" lover are standing in the park, his arms around my waist, mine around his neck, eyes locked, having one of our many moments.

so yes, i like them short. short and scrumptious and lovely and small. if you're 5'7"-5'9" and wouldn't mind going out with a neurotic brit with a mean costume jewellery fetish then feel free to holler at me. not if you're 5'5" though. i mean. that's just sick.