seventy.five

my name is femi, and i'm a talkaholic.

no, i'm not talking about the need for incessant chatter. i'm talking about the need to talk things out with those i love. we have a problem? let's talk about it. i don't mind if the conversation runs for 3 hours, i'm all about crossing that finish line together and feeling like winners.

but, being the woman that i am [that would be one of extremes], there are also times when i avoid those talk sessions with unparalleled commitment. times when i declare that we don't need to talk about it; let's just leave it 'lone and it will right itself. let's just leave it 'lone and move on.

sometimes i avoid those conversations because they're uncomfortable. as open as i am, the potential for getting upset either because i'm in pain, or i caused someone i care about some pain, is high [my moon is in scorpio so i feel things deep]. and shit, sometimes i just don't wanna feel bad. so i run away.

but sometimes i avoid those conversations because i have a sense that there will be no resolution. it's so demoralising to sit down with someone you love, talk for hours, and end the discussion not because you've resolved the issue, but because you've been talking for hours and you're not getting anywhere. it's demoralising because a conversation that should bring you closer together through mutual respect and elevated understanding, actually results in the creation of distance. distance because by addressing the issue, all you've done is highlight the chasm that exists between you.

if this happens with your partner you can end up reflecting on the viability of your whole relationship. if this happens with a friend you can end up demoting them to acquaintance. if it happens with a family member you can find yourself reflecting on your history. either way, you're stuck in shittyville.

damn. maybe i should've run.