this weekend has been mighty stressful, and before i hit play on the video below i was tied up in all kinds of knots. and now? i feel like i'm sleeping with my eyes open. my body began to take deep breaths again. i'm tired and i want to sleep. no resistance.
being in the now is a feat that most of us don't manage consistently, and only a few of us achieve sporadically. i have this fantasy that once i'm living in the now everything will be great, no problems. this might be true. but as i'm only achieving this sporadically, it makes sense that there is some dust in my now that i have to sweep up before i can relax there.
wanting to be in the now can lead you to be in denial. it can do this because we often try to get to the now in the same vehicle that we use to avoid the now and drive to the future in. tolle calls this the ego. it's the part that makes living in the now seem like an achievement. something you can pat yourself on the back for. but if you're really in the now, you don't ignore things that bring up resistance, you don't ignore problems you may have. you don't run around them to get to the now. you deal with them in peace because you understand that the moments when you're untying these knots are just as precious as the ones where there are no knots. they are just as precious because you are there. here. in the now.
this probably makes no sense to the outside reader. let's just say that today my blessing is accepting that everything isn't always ok. and this means that i can change that, mostly through more acceptance, but never through denial.