thirty.two

what is up with people not having a hand towel in the bathroom? what kind of savage doesn't have a towel for guests to dry their hands on? why must i wipe my clean hands on a towel that has swept over your crotch?

ugh.

thirty.one

omg. omg. omg. omg. omg.

i die. i die. i die. i die. i die.

thirty.

raphael saadiq

i went to see raphael saadiq tonight. i saw him once in NY at one of the heineken soul series shows, but thanks to raheem devaughn [in his stupid purple cape and crown] going waaaaaaaaay over his time, saadiq only did about 20 minutes. tonight i was about 20 minutes late [bah!], but me and my friend, nevin, had a great night.

i cut a rug up in that place! nevin and i were doing impromptu 60s routines, two-stepping and twirling all over the place. it was like a dope episode of dancing with the stars, and i got top marks. by the end of the show i felt like i needed to be carried out on a stretcher.

and what about saadiq? he did just under 2 hours, but something about his show lacked substance for me. i don't know; maybe it's the way he unnecessarily dragged songs out for an extra 5 minutes because he wanted us to clap for him while he stood at the edge of the stage. maybe it's the slightly indulgent introduction to songs that merely delayed [and sometimes destroyed] the excitement you get when you hear the first few notes of a song you love. maybe it's the fact that he didn't do any songs from the ray ray album [am i the only person in the world that loves this record?]. maybe it's the fact that the last song of the night was his tribute to new orleans, big easy [um..mood killer much?]. maybe it's the fact that he didn't sing any of the songs that he's written for others. saadiq's body of work is RIDICULOUS, but his catalogue wasn't well-represented tonight.

that said, he had a nice energy on stage [his backing singers kicked major booty] and cracked some jokes between songs. he also called out president obama, saying that, like the president before him, he is going to ignore new orleans and the devastation that still persists. i don't think i've heard any words on the nola from obama, so saadiq might be right. i hope not.

anyway, i danced my ass off. i sung my heart out. i wish he'd sung tick tock or not a game, but the night was still a success. that's the way i see it.

twenty.nine

[april 27th 2009]

alicia keys - wreckless love

oooh child, i was hollering this in my kitchen today. this should have been a single! i guess she filled her 'shouty' quota when she released no one, but i like this one better. i realised that i don't know the words, nor do i care. i just wait for the shouty chorus and pretend i have a man that makes me wanna holler at the top of my lungs. #baby let's goooooooooooo....!#

honourable mentions:
musiq - betterman
anthony hamilton - i did it for sho

twenty.eight

there's something about the sun that makes the day more exciting and any city more charming. when the sun shines in london, i find myself falling in love with it.

about a week ago i decided to get really quiet with myself, and tune into my internal signal. i wanted to do this so that i could live in a way that honours my innermost urges. you ever walk down the street, see something, double take, but don't stop? why not? even if we have nowhere to be, we let our minds keep our feet moving and disregard what our instincts were curious about. well, no mas.

as i walked through my favourite part of london today, buying shades and a dress i probably can't afford, i noticed how much more enjoyable everything is when you obey your innate desires. i made a spontaneous decision to jump on a bus, and ended up passing the royal exchange on my way to the bus stop. before i knew what was going on, my feet had changed my course and were taking me right towards it. see, the sun was beating down on the steps and i wanted a piece of that.


i sat on the steps, leaned back, closed my eyes and looked at the sun from behind my eyelids.

*exhale*

i even made a dirty, disease-carrying friend while i was there. as a rule, i hate pigeons, but they didn't bother me today. i was far too chill.


just sitting in the sun for no damn reason but to feel the sun was the definite highlight of my day.

try it. let your instincts lead you.

twenty.seven

i don't know what is going on with me right now, but a few days ago i was suddenly unable to use the taps in my shower. i turn them on ok, but when i try to go for more/less cold water i can't figure it out.

i spent 2 minutes just frowning at the silver creatures waiting for my common sense to find my brain, but no luck. so my only option was experimentation.

i be turning the knob to the left, i be turning it to the right, then i be turning it all the way on or off. so there i am, lathered up, going rapidly between freezing and scalding water as i try to find the perfect temperature. then i find it. *exhale* heaven.

but i'm a water-fiddler and it turns out i like to mess with the temperature balance at least 5 times during my cleansing [this is probably linked to one of my many mental disorders].

so a few minutes later i reach out to turn the tap and: damn! i've forgotten. now i've gotta start from scratch and go through the whole burn & freeze experience again.

i be stepping out of my shower clean and traumatised :(

i'm so scared of what tomorrow morning will bring...

twenty.six

deon cole.

"where the capricorns?" lol

sidenote: my dad told me that he thought lol meant 'lots of love' and he was wondering why everyone online was so affectionate. that made me lmfbao.

twenty.five

a friend and i were talking about the pros and cons of staying friends with exes. they felt one of the cons was that you can be tempted to have another tryst 'for old time's sake'. i've been there. you start talking, reminiscing, smiling, then you're kissing. it's happened to me once, but when the experience was over things just felt...wonky. i knew that i'd done something, i mean, i was there, but something about it felt like i wasn't there. like i'd sent my understudy onto the stage, like i'd called and asked my representative to attend the meeting because i was stuck in traffic. it was surreal. and afterwards, when the reality of it really sunk in, i wondered where i'd gone that meant that i made what felt like a bad decision.

you know where i was?

"old time".

see, when you do something for old time's sake, you have to mentally visit the "old time" time-frame for it to make any sense in the present time. get it? but while the man or woman you were 1, 2 or 10 years ago is living it up, where the hell are you? i'll tell you where you are: waiting for the regressive part of yourself to come back from the other dimension so you can shake your heads in unison.

it's one thing to do something because of the past, because perhaps you're in the habit of doing it [and even these things need to be challenged every now and then]. but to do something for the past? that must and can only be insanity.

it's like putting your socks on, walking around, then putting another pair of socks on because your feet were naked 10 mins ago. you're already covered, yo. now put your shoes on and get to walking!

don't ever look back.

freddie jackson - rock me tonight [for old time's sake]

twenty.four

separated at birth?

i can't be the only one that's noticed the resemblance between will.i.am and k-os.

will.i.am

k-os

twins!

they say everyone has a lookalike, and sometimes i wonder where mine is. it sounds pretty cool, that someone is walking around with your face, but in reality that is some scary ish. can you imagine going to the corner store to grab some milk and bumping into someone that has your exact facial make-up? you went out for milk, and now you're looking in some kind of twilight zone mirror all confused and fragile. it's enough to blow a hole through your spiritual ozone.

i don't know how i'd react if i happened to meet someone with my face when i was at the store. actually, i'd probably doo-doo on myself. then i'd pay for my milk and leave like ain't nuthin happened.



seriously though: if you're out there, and you have my face, don't be springing no surprises. write me a letter, send me a telegram, fan out some smoke signals. i need to be prepared.

twenty.three

the thing about oil and water is: they don't mix.

i bet oil and water are fascinated by and obsessed with each other. i'm sure there's also a healthy respect on either side on some 'i can't beat you' tip. i bet they look forward to meeting each other in sinks and petri dishes alike; love getting a glimpse of the other's magic up close.

oil secretly thinks they're better than water, cos they always rise to the top. water secretly thinks they're better than oil, cos their weight denotes strength and enables them to hold oil above their head like a trophy.

the biggest secret is that they both wish they could infuse, that they could blend and absorb each other and create a new substance. see no one understands the particulars of their dynamic like they do. this makes them feel closer to each other than even those that they have more in common with.

every few years oil and water slip each other notes under the periodic table and make a pact to try and become one. they huff. they puff. they always fail. unfortunately for them the chemistry is off, and whatever they do, they can't beat chemistry. after every failure they walk away, but after a few months they meet again and the itch to beat the order of things begins to scratch. and so they continue, forever locked into the madness.

somebody should tell them: oil and water just don't mix.

twenty.two

real talk.

i forgot how ignorant and hilarious this shit is.

#did she say there were other guys there? were there other guys there?!#

#fuck me? girl, fuck you!#

#you gon' burn what? bitch i wish you would burn my muthafuckin' cloooooooooooothes!#


lmao & smh.


real talk: that dude has child molester lips.

*shudder*

twenty.one

i left my job. or maybe i should say that my job left me. there was a restructure and the post i was covering as a temporary worker got deleted. boom, bap, pow! time to move on.

man, i hated that place; but as i walked out the door for the final time i knew it wasn't sooooooo bad. there are some people in that building that really care about me, and that have been really good to me. i definitely couldn't have travelled and lived the good life for the past few years without this job, so on balance it was always more blessing than curse.

still, i wasn't put here to push paper for the man. this is a perfect opportunity for me to connect with my purpose for real, for real. to be honest, i could've stayed, they wanted me to. they were trying to push other jobs on me up until a week before my departure, but something deep-down resisted and refused.

i guess we left each other.

the view of the office from my desk


my phone
[it's got my name on it]


my chair
[how ironic is this shit?]


the view from outside.



so long, old chum.

twenty.

twitter. twitter. tweet. tweet.

everybody's doing it.

everybody except me.

don't get me wrong, i get it.

no really: i get it.

but i just will not sign up to this thing.

i've been online in a major way for damn near 11 years. i've been instant messaging so long that i remember how the random messenger window would pop up on your screen with the words asl?. the days when you couldn't get to the internet without going through a shitty ISP like aol that made you use their software. when your e-mail was tied to said shitty ISP and you used to log in and pray you'd hear the computer lady say 'you've got mail' [actually, it would be kinda ill if gmail did that shit, now i think about it]. so yeah, i'm old and i'm old school.

i'm not opposed to the internet and how it connects people; it's so much a part of my life that i wouldn't dare pass any judgements on social networking of any kind [i hate facebook with a passion, but that's just god's will]. to think of how much myspace has impacted my life is amazing and worrying in equal amounts, but that's just how it is and so i accept it. being aware of my own entanglement with social networking means that my beef with twitter is not that it's stupid, or pointless [although i may have told some friends this in my weaker moments]; my problem with twitter is actually bigger than that.

do you remember when you used to take a picture and you had no idea how it looked? do you remember the feeling of going to the photography store and collecting your pics after they'd been developed? how you'd flip through them looking for that one that you just knew as you posed for it was gonna be hot? and do you remember how you felt when you were right??? and what did you do with that pic? you took it to school to show your friends, and then you brought it home and put it on your bedroom wall.

when i'm taking pics now, not only can i see how it looks immediately [thank you digi cam], i'm also acutely aware of the fact that sharing pics nowadays isn't just about a few friends at school, it's about a few hundred people online. hate it or love it, there are times when a camera points at me and i think 'this would be a great profile pic'. shit, how many of us take pics for the sole purpose of them being profile pics? uh-huh, i know it ain't just me. *side-eye*

and so we come back to twitter. what's my beef burger with it? myspace may want my pictures, but twitter wants my thoughts! and not just the clear, coherent thoughts; twitter wants awl my thoughts. the rambling, unfinished, meaningless, private thoughts as well as the einstein ones. i don't wanna be eating a delicious snack and question whether or not i should share the moment with my followers. i don't wanna brush my teeth at night and then rush to my blackberry to tell my followers goodnight. i don't want a text at 3am from diddy telling me that he's 'LOCKED IN!!!!!!!!!!' or from solange knowles saying that she scratched her butt.

i spent damn near an hour travelling around twitter pages tryna see if i could fall in love with it, and the only page that gave me anything near to joy was phonte's. he's follow-worthy cos he's hilarious, but that tweet-comedy seems rare. looking at the pages of friends was uber-creepy, so creepy that i had to take a shower afterwards and scrub myself down with bleach and ammonia.

now i will say this: twitter gets the average joe closer to their idols than any other site. i also think it will do wonders for networking in ways that LinkedIN can only dream of. for these two reasons alone i doff my cap to the blue bird, pat it on the back and say 'carry on, old chap'.

but still. and yet. and but.

me personally? moi? this woman right here?

my random thoughts are mine, yo. i guess there are some things i'm just not willing to share. tweet tweet that shit all the way up.

nineteen.

berlin, germany

some of the best decisions you ever make are ones that you make on the fly. they're the kind of decisions that can be followed by a hearty 'why the fuck not?' and looked back on with a smile. one such decision of mine was to take a trip to berlin.

i've spent the past few years going back and forth between london and new york. i wouldn't go for a week or two, i'd temporarily migrate and set up home in [various parts of] brooklyn for up to three months at a time. but last summer i realised i'd had my fill and promised myself i'd see more of the world than the east coast of the USA.

my amurrrican friends that love london have always told me how lucky i am to have mainland europe, asia and africa pretty much on my doorstep. i never thought about it much because between frequent trips to the USA and the caribbean, i was so used to getting on a plane and going over the atlantic ocean that i forgot planes could go in other directions.

so this year i made a commitment to see other places, and the first stop on that tour was berlin. one of my very good friends [identity withheld due to her belief that internet peoples are dangerous] and i went to see berlin for a weekend and had stupid, stupid fun. she loves berlin and wants to live there; and me? well it was a pretty cool city from what i saw, but what really made the weekend so dope was the people we spent time with.

i guess this is a good time to talk about greg.


greg and i have been talking on myspace for a couple of years. nothing major, nothing deep, and oh so sporadic. still, i always had a sense that he was good people. [don't believe the hype: you can pick up a crazy person's energy online, and so newton's third law dictates that you must be able to pick a dope person's energy up too.]

when i said that i was thinking about visiting his city it was a no-brainer that i'd hang out with greg at some point. but not only did he share some of his time with us, he opened his home [and his lil old heart] to us too. i knew he was a nice guy, but imagine my delight when i discovered that he also had a great sense of humour and could take my poking fun and teasing...even better that he teased me right back. he was the sweetest guy you ever sawed, he carried my heavy bottle of water all day long and even reminded me to drink it. at 6'1" he is also the tallest man i've met in a while [i was beginning to think they didn't make them over 5'8" no more!]. yes yes, from the first hug it was instant, split-second friendship creation. the best kind.

the experience reminded me that we're not so different to others. that with every other human on the planet there is something you can talk about, something the two of you have in common. the experience reminded me that i'm a piece of thread on this patchwork i call 'the universe', and to separate myself from it through fear or apprehension robs me of friends, experiences, and most importantly my own grounding. for there's something about connecting with others that invariably snaps you into your own place.

oh yes. here i am. this is my piece of transition-intensive earth-space.

the trip rejuvenated me in so many ways. it made me want to talk to strangers and meet new people. i can only imagine how many amazing humans there must be on this earth. i want to know more of them.

in a few weeks greg is coming to london and i get to return the favour and open my home and heart to him: psyched is not the word.

eighteen.

q-tip

if you know me then you know that my two favourite things to do are:

1. travel
2. see some good-ass live music

q-tip came to town and me and my friend, rah, found ourselves in attendance at the roundhouse. if you know me then you also know that i'm not a big hip-hop head [yeah, i said it!]. don't get me wrong, i love music and there's a lot of hip-hop that i love. i also grew up on 90s hip-hop and have a lot of affection for acts like heltah skeltah, mobb deep and the lost boyz; but don't be tryna get into deep conversations with me about quotes and samples and bios of emcees: i'm not that chick.

that said, i have seen some great hip-hop performances [common and kanye spring to mind], and i'm not adverse to a hip-hop show if i'm confident that there won't be 50 dudes on stage or a shooting. so when i heard that q-tip was coming to town, i was down, because i love the latest album. when i found out there was a seated section in the venue i was super-really down; cos mama old and i can't be standing for 5 hours at a time no more.

you know what was dope about q-tip? aside from the fact that i could actually understand what he was saying, i loved that you could tell he'd been doing this shit for years. he was such a professional, and not in that old and tired way. he ran around the stage, hopped on speakers, went into the crowd and got real funky, but something about him just said 'legend'. i had so much fun, and i was so impressed.

and um...he had casey benjamin AND robert glasper on keys. how the hell you gonna have casey benjamin AND robert glasper on keys? i mean, that's just greedy. and of course when it comes to mr benjamin you get more than just keys, as the vid below demonstrates.

i lost my mind when tip did certain tracks from the new album, and rah lost her mind when he did some classic tribe ish. all in all, he held us both down.


mr q-tip, i salute you.

and of course me being the intelligent person that i'm is, i managed to delete all the good pics from my camera during the process of transferring them to the comp. no matter though, there were still gems like the one below.

when self-portrait pics go wrong. smh.

seventeen.

got a will that lifts me up when my body can't
got a way of getting through with no helping hands
got a mind that lends me strength so i ain't 'fraid to stand
got a love so deep in me can't be stopped by any man

- amel larrieux [all i got]