one.hundred.four

do you dream when you sleep?

i used to be someone that had dreams every night. when i found out that other people didn't always dream at night i was really surprised. i thought dreaming was a mandatory part of sleeping. the concept of dreamless sleep was something that i found it hard to wrap my head around; and i even felt sorry for these poor non-dreamers.

then about a year ago i stopped dreaming every night, and then i pretty much stopped dreaming altogether. i don't know why this happened, but i thought it may have been my body's reaction to my ill health. i used to love waking up from a full night's dreaming, but it really did tire me out. i'd often wake up ready to go straight back to sleep to recover from the sleep i just had. as i was functioning on very little energy at the time, i think my dreams were kind enough to give me a break.

but this past week i've begun dreaming again. gosh, i forgot how twisted my subconscious is! last night i dreamt [is this a real word? i hate the word dreamed, but dreamt doesn't look right.] that i was in love with usher. usher! ew. my brother took me to usher's house, who was aware of my imminent arrival and feelings for him. people in the house were smiling and excited, no doubt about the fact that they were soon to witness a fairytale moment where usher and i would fall into each other's arms and smooch it up. except this didn't happen. he walked down the stairs, wrapped in a duvet, saw me, and was completely underwhelmed by my presence. he was sucking his thumb [i still suck my thumb, so there's nothing wrong with this. it's genetic, i swear, my grandmother sucked her thumb til the day she died. don't judge me!] and he signalled for me to follow him to his bedroom. no, not to do the nasty, but to sit on his bed, in the dark, while he slept. and then i got bitten by a mosquito.

i woke up tired and confused. what does this dream meeeeeean? nothing probably. i find those dream interpretation books quite pointless; they're like the horoscopes in the newspaper. sooo hit and miss. how about my horoscope yesterday was giving me advice on how to handle people at my job. i'm unemployed! in yo' face random astrologer that only uses sun signs when i am so much more a product of my venus and moon!

anywhens: having these dreams back is turning into quite the bittersweet experience. on the one hand i am excited that they have returned and take it as a sign that i'm getting stronger. on the other i am worried about where my deviant subconscious will take me next.

to be continued, i'm sure...