i've decided that i'm busy is no longer a reasonable excuse for...anything.

it's not a good enough reason for lovers not returning calls.

it's not a good enough reason for friends not being able to hang out.

it's not a good enough explanation for a dirty house.

it's not a good enough excuse for ignoring unexciting, but important tasks.

it's just not.

when we say that we are busy, or too busy, what we are really talking about out are our priorities. it's not that we are too busy, it's that the thing that we are too busy for is not as important as what we have chosen to do instead. i'm not using value judgements; when i say important i simply mean that which is higher up on our list, more pressing. choosing to work instead of go to a party doesn't mean you love working more than being with your friends; but it does mean that you have deemed working to be more important on that particular day.

i've dated guys that were too busy to spend time with me, or return my calls. hearing this faux justification used to annoy the hell out of me, and i would let them know how i felt. then as time went on, and i became more zen, i decided that it was my ego, my imbalance, my resistance that was creating a problem. but then i became a woman with my own incredibly busy periods and i became annoyed again. i became annoyed because i realised that they really weren't too busy to see me: i just wasn't a priority of theirs. i wasn't high up on their list.

i don't want any boyfriend of mine telling me he's too busy for me. if oprah can hold down a relationship with stedman [and possibly gail too], then the average joe can find 5 mins in his day to give me a call. are there exceptions? of course. i know that things can be hectic, and there are all kinds of variables that mean it might not be possible on a given day. but if someone is telling me it's hard to find a moment for me every day? please don't date me. at some point you have to be honest about what you choose to make time for. this is why i'm not interested in a relationship right now. if i had a man then i'd be the one on the phone saying i'm too busy. truth is that a relationship is just not a priority of mine right now. and if someone did come along that made me reevaluate this then i would have to jiggle my list around, not just plonk them at the bottom of it.

the truth is that if we want to make time for something/someone then we do. i'm busy right now with various journalism projects, my book, website launches, portfolios and looking for a regular job but here i am blogging this entry. i also managed to find time to watch judge judy and big brother today, although i was too busy to call my bank and talk to them about my overdraft. see what i mean?

now, i'm not suggesting that we all start telling our friends that we can't meet for coffee because they're not a priority. i'm busy is the appropriate reason in most circumstances when we're dealing with others. for the sake of polite social interaction, please do not abandon the b-word.

so why do i say it's not a reasonable excuse? because even though it is the best thing to say to others, it is an unnecessary and potentially harmful thing to say to ourselves. it's dangerous because it's believable and it encourages avoidance. we become inept at effectively tackling those things/people that are the least desirable. it can take us weeks, months, even years to eradicate uncomfortable tasks from our lists and stressful people from our lives. this does not bode well for our holistic health.

so, i think it's time for some housekeeping. stop for a moment and think about the people, things and tasks you regularly tell yourself you are too busy for. really just pause for a moment and think.

who and/or what is clinging to the bottom of your list?


now: clear those cobwebs.


  1. wow. i definitely needed to read this. since i've been back home, i've managed to see about 6 of my friends (a couple on accident), although before i came home i promised i would hang out with about 20. and like you said, those that i haven't seen just are not number 1-5 on my list of priorities.

    and as for this being harmful to ourselves, i completely agree. i actually just started getting things done last night that i should've started on weeks ago. now i must play catch up. smh at myself. lol.

    thanks for posting this.


  2. this is pretty excellent.

    i'm not a writer, which is why i *steal* your blogs and post them as notes on my facebook.

    obviously i put your name and picture at the bottom (with links) 'cause yous my girl.

    we'll talk later!

    raaaaaah x