after a year of being single, with no pressing desire to mingle, i am ready to date. for the first time in years, my singledom was not a result of having to get over my ex, that was tied up some time ago, this time it was just about looking after and enjoying me. but in the past week or so i have noticed that something has awoken in me, a flutter of desire, i'm ready for some male company.

i'm not looking for anything heavy. if marriage is a plate of steak with all the trimmings then i'm looking for a caesar salad. if marriage is a main course that comes with two sides then i'm looking for a starter, or maybe an aperitif. i think i'll leave the metaphors there, because i'm sure you get my drift. i want some fun and some kissy-kissy, but no bridey-bridey.

now, i'm not tooting my own horn, but i do get a decent amount of male attention on a daily basis. it could be because i'm attractive, or i could be a serial booger-smuggler with no awareness of the hefty stalactites on show to all others with two functioning eyes. my ego begs that i go with the former [and carry tissues with me at all times]. so: add to my ability to get some flirty attention to the fact that i a) work in an area with lots of foot traffic b) work in a store with lots of male customers [cute ones too] and c) have a social life back in full effect and on paper it looks like i should have no trouble finding a lovely man to share some time with. well, let's rip that paper up shall we? because there is a very real issue in the way of my date-dom that dawned on me in the late hours of last night...

i don't know how to do this!

i won't count the number of years, for even i may faint at the sight, but it has been a very long time since the internet has not played some kind of role in my dating life. how sad is that? [that's rhetorical!] whether i have met a man online or needed the internet to support a long-distance relationship, i am quite used to e-mails and instant messages being a major communicative tool in my love adventures. the disconnection i was beginning to feel in my friendships, and even within myself, contributed to my retreat from social networking sites [see below post]; but i never really considered how this would now alter the dynamics of my romantic relationships.

i'm not worried about the relationship itself, once it is in full swing then i'm fine. no help needed. it's the beginning that is a mystery to me. the first hello. the flirting [i'm a great flirt, but only when i don't like someone]. the exchange of phone numbers. the who calls who. the what to say. the first date. the first kiss.

hmm...that actually sounds like fun! if there is risk there is reward and i'm about to walk the high wire with no safety [inter]net. i honestly have no idea how i'm going to turn this flutter into a fella, but maybe, just maybe, i'll find my feet as quickly as i used to find the friend request button.


  1. It will happen. You have a lot going for you! I remember my entire first relationship revolved around the internet. Instant messaging, facebook messaging, email, texts etc. And my current boyfriend despises internet communication and cell phones, and we have a great relationship. We met through friends :)

  2. Hmmmm! And another hmmmm....

    I hear you. Completely.

    I was chatting to a dude the other day on what you could call a "lunch date" and we were talking about relationships and such, and I was saying to him that I really don't know how to play this 'dating game'. We both agreed that that's the problem - unfortunately, society stipulates that to find true love involves a long-winded and often mind-numbing game of, say, sudoku...we're so concerned with getting the sequences together (do I look right? Smell right? Talk right?) that we fail to remember that it aint that serious.

    It's just sudoku.

    However, you've got the right attitude. I think in order for this to work, you have to make that decision to say 'Yooooo hooooo! Where areeeeeeeee you?', and hope that there's a brother answering right back. My only peeve is these British dudes can be way too reserved for my liking.

    I recently cussed out a male friend of mine who saw a female he liked at a party and was 'too scared' to say anything. Wastage and kiss teeth, man. That's just long. BOLDNESS BROTHERS! C'mon! (and this has become a really long comment...see ya tomorrow lol)


  3. well my bro and another guy i know both ador(ed) brother is a lover of all things bew-tee-ful (like yourself;)...and the other guy...well maybe he's still obsessed...i say however you meet him if it works, then it's all good!...have fun, and those that "run from" marriage often run into it (lol) -jk- appreciate the honesty of your blogs, always-

  4. lol great post Femi. i, too, have experienced some dating blunders and gettingoverhim syndrome for the past few years. i'm in the same boat - where i wanna go exploring, but so far, it's been the random booty call here and there (and i am NOT complaining!) but other than that, still coasting along in that same boat w/u Femi... lol we gotta find some fish, it's a big SEA!

  5. HAHAHA! You're so corny. I love it. This "endeavor" feels all "small girl in a big world" adventurous for you it seems. Hope you find success.


  6. Hahaha! Love the corninesss. It's ok, don't think of it as something that requires a manual. No. Just do the you. Use common sense. And have fuuuuunnn!!!!


  7. you'll do fine my dear. you are a wonderful magical person...i'm sure everything will fall into line with you just being you.